This Floating Excrement Was Way Too Symbolic! It's the Television Disappointments of the Year.
Looking back, we consider the TV offerings of the recent year, a selection of shows stand out not for their brilliance, but for their spectacular failures. Ranging from cringe-inducing spin-offs to confusingly bad documentaries, here are the productions that left us utterly bewildered or simply reaching for the remote.
And Just Like That
How to start with this divisive follow-up? Plagued with woeful writing, painful character development (we demand better for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the show struggled to justify its existence. For a moment, as the third season began, it looked like it had finally hit its stride. Then came an episode all about Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the showrunner announced this would be the final series. It ended on a bum note; the closeup of Miranda’s toilet full of poo was just way too symbolic. Still, fans certainly had a hoot picking apart every single “what on earth?” moment. And as Carrie – once again single – twirled around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't release a small sob?
The Kim Kardashian Drama
‘Can Kim Kardashian act? Of course she can’t.’
But that was practically the least of this drama's issues. The subject of a very rare no-star assessment, it was difficult to know where to start enumerating the problems. The laughably wooden dialogue? The mind-numbing glorification of affluence and materialism? The seemingly wilful procession of tropes? Acting so poor they felt almost spiteful? Suffice it to say “all of the above” and never speak of this show again. However, a new season has been ordered, so we’re probably going to have to.
The Charlie Sheen Documentary
Given the restraining orders, domestic violence allegations and parental shortcomings, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not that you’d really have gleaned it from this multi-part documentary which smirked its way at Sheen’s various episodes of reckless excess while failing to tell us anything we didn’t already know. Rather, it felt as if this loose cannon was being pandered to, so any pity this series might induce should be saved for the people who have had to suffer close contact with this charming but dismissive narcissist.
The Supercomputer Drama
Of course we understood it was preposterous from the outset: a thriller about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or annihilate all of humanity. We stuck with it out of sheer admiration for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One scarcely cared when his character died, and the other ultimately hacking Charlie with an axe … in super slow-motion. That's what you call admitting defeat.
The Gangster Drama
Dodgy figures convening in empty boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its gangland drama back.
In truth, that is harsh on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many look a little dated now, but at least they didn’t endure the embarrassment of having to accommodate baffling accents. But there were plenty of other problems. Mainly that it was just profoundly dull; a conflict over narcotics territory between various cockney picaresques which seemed a bit basic.
With Love, Meghan
Considering the extent to which she grinds the gears of the nation’s performatively angry commentators, it’s temptingly easy to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s various forays into twee homemaking as intentional provocations. But then you view them and are compelled to concede that actually, they might have a point. It’s like watching a homeware magazine come to life; a meme for evening drinks with ideas of grandeur; a parade of snoozing dogs, buzzing beehives, Hallmark sayings and pointless crafting “tips” you’ll forget instantly. All underpinned by vast, largely unearned wealth. Ugh.
The Beckham Documentary
There are obviously interesting things to be discussed about both Victoria Beckham and her journey with career, self-image, self-worth. But for whatever reason, this three-part series opted not to explore them. Instead, the experience was like consuming a marketing catalogue. She obviously has every right to bridle at what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But unfortunately, she failed to do herself any helps with this cagey non-event of a series.
The Inheritance
It had the potential to be the next cultural phenomenon – except even more extravagant, with a glamorous star playing dead and a sharp-tongued personality managing her inheritance. What more could you want? As contestants battled it out, there was plenty of betrayal and arguing. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s even now too complicated to detail what precisely was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw brief appearances of the star via prerecorded videos. The show ended up smelling of a production that was trying way too hard to emulate something far greater than it.
The Lena Dunham Romcom
How do you succeed a show that captured a generation? The expectation was enormous for this glitzy romcom about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who arrives in London with a shattered romance. The lead actress took her biggest role by the horns and was joyous to watch, reveling in Jane Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very slick and, ironically, was insufficient. Plus, the sheer amount of famous cameos involved felt uncomfortable.
Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping
Not good enough to be ‘uneven’.
Given the shrewd inclusion of gifted younger comics, hopes were high. But sadly, most of it fell flat. A recurring sketch was a one-note joke milked to a dry pulp but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a well-known irate mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, meanwhile, simply inspired the thought that they should probably have remained in there a bit longer.
The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox
This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively showcased the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an compelling drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this was not it. The material needed to be handled sensitively. Rather, the series struggled painfully to find the right voice, lurching from oddly jaunty, somewhat stylised farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Complex? Arguably. A complete mess? Very much so.
Prime Target
We love the star … but did we buy him playing the greatest maths genius in history, a man so intelligent he’s on the verge of a discovery that could ruin society? Nope! This international thriller about government agencies targeting – and eliminating – academics honestly got more absurd by the second. Formulaic nonsense.
The Bonnie Blue Documentary
This hagiography followed the content creator notorious for explicit escapades as she prepared for her most extreme feat yet. What on earth would possess her? What we craved was way more interrogation of her actual psychology, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have interviewed the legendary mum who appeared to drag her son away from the queue. What we got was horrific imagery and absolutely no critical analysis of her infamy whatsoever. And to think, the filmmaker has a young daughter too.